Mothers

This week I've been talking to friends and family about mothers. Also, someone mentioned in a church meeting that "withholding affection" was a sin. It really got my brain cranking.... But probably not in a good way.

While I should've been thinking about the ways I could be a better person and Christian, I instead shifted to my childhood and my mother. A famous comedian once made the comment that having a child is your one shot to ruin a human being from scratch. It's true. How many of us have small, major, or even traumatic moments from childhood that we just can't get over? How many of us ended up hating parents for those things we feel they should have done and didn't? How many of us are making the same mistakes with our own kids?

There is too much personal trauma in my own childhood to bring it up here. I'd need more than my current 30 years of therapy to get there. Instead, I'm going to bring up others problems. What kind of childhood did you have? Was "affection" withheld from you when your parents thought you should be a better kid?

A friend of mine. Her mom would hug her whether she was being punished or not. Being "well behaved" wasn't a reason to stop loving the kids. Interestingly, that particular friend has a self-esteem these days and is just about the best person I know.

An 'sister' of mine. Her mom touched her inappropriately. Hugs were withheld when mom didn't like a behavior. Compliments never happened. Proud of the kids? NEVER! Her mom called her mean and crude names when my 'sister' wouldn't cooperate. She doesn't talk to her mom anymore. Her kids don't see their grandparents. For all intents and purposes, her mom is dead - and she'll tell people that. I don't blame her. I wouldn't claim that thing as a mom either. 

Why do we have regrets? Is there anything I can do about it now? Then why am I so focused on the past screw ups? Let it go, people. One word. Letitgo! There's a quote out there in the web about forgetting past mistakes and failures, deciding what you want and doing it now. Take a deep breath and feel the PTSD symptoms floating away...

Let's decide to be happy!