Survey says...

 So, today I am having an emotional breakdown. It's not bad enough to be a meltdown, but worse than a Hallmark movie. I feel no motivation and only a little hope for the future.

My achilles tendon injury is healing just about as slowly as humanly possible. The doctor said wear the boot as long as possible for 6 more weeks. That's over on February 3rd. I think I'm mentally done with the boot and the injury and life. I just can't take any more!

I got food poisoning or dehydrated last night (not sure which) and am having a rough time trying to get my body working correctly again. I'm tired of whining at the people I live with and I have no one else to talk to. I just feel like things are wearing thin and my options are limited right now.

Perhaps it's time to be done. Perhaps I'm ready to cash out of life.

When do things get better?

How often am I going to strain to get through each day? I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of winter and the dreary days with little sun and no outdoors. I'm freaking sick of this pandemic and the changes it has forced us all into.

I used to be able to go walking for a couple miles each day to get out of the house. Instead, I tore my achiles tendon eight months ago and it's still painful. No extended walking and what walking I can do is extra-super-slow. I feel beaten and abused and abandoned by life.

Which is uber funny because I've been talking with my therapist lately about my piece-of-crap self esteem. I thought it was getting better. If I'm doing so much better, why do I still have days when I'm depressed and fatalistic? And why on earth is this blog not helping me feel better?!

Perhaps it has something to do with not publicly posting most of my rants. I wrote them down, but then never make them public. I think therapists are terrorists. They torture people, emotionally drain them, and then charge a ton of money for the experience.