I've unfriended most of the bullies on facebook. The sad part is that there are a few I can't seem to let go. Some of them weren't awful. Some were okay people. Some were and are still, good friends. Why does this bother me so very much.
I got a call the other day from an old co-worker. One of the good ones of course. Even though she's the best co-worker and friend EVER the name on caller ID still throws me off and sends shivers down my spine. Which is quite the trick seeing as I'm paralysed. I hate that I even question her motives. I hate that I wonder if anyone I know is a real friend.
I don't trust my own judgment. I don't trust most people around me. I learned very young not to trust people. Especially people in authority. I never had real friends. I figured out after being betrayed and abandoned that the ones pretending to be friends would attack at the least provocation. It wasn't even my actions that caused me to believe I was worthless. I've been taught to be this way. I was well-trained.
I absolutely love my friends. I'll do anything for them. The shirt off my back. My last $20. Anything. Perhaps it's my problem. Maybe I offer so much and then they start to think about what they might have. They start making demands. They insist that I help them with things that I don't want to do. It progresses until I have to unfriend them in order to find peace. Perhaps its me that drive them crazy.
The common link between all of my problems is still ... me.
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